Which One Habit Can Improve Self Love?

We all want love. We love love. But there is no one who can love us harder or more intimately than ourselves. So how do we love ourselves? Why are we so hard on ourselves? What even is self love? Is it a spa day, a doughnut, or a new pair of shoes?

In today's podcast, I explore the most important thing we can do to change that inner voice in our head from a critic to our best and wisest friend. I discuss what is at the root of self hatred, and how we can plant the seeds of self love and compassion in our mind, and how those seeds can blossom into a beautiful friendship.

Please enjoy other episodes where I share meditation techniques, tips and spiritual lessons from around the world for peaceful and stress-free living. Remember to subscribe to stay up-to-date.

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Transcript

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Welcome to path to peace with Todd Perelmuter. I'm your host, Todd Perelmuter our world is a projection of our collective consciousness, the more peace we bring into our lives, the more peace we bring into this world. So let the transformation begin. If we are to love ourselves, it is essential that first we know ourselves and have a good relationship with ourselves. And what is the basis of any good relationship? It is trust. And when we don't trust ourselves, this is the route of blaming ourselves, being hard on ourselves, criticizing ourselves. And when we have a very intense stress response, or we get into a depression, or we are having a panic attack or anxiety, it is like we are stabbing ourselves from the inside, we are doing so much damage to our body and mind when we entertain these negative thoughts, storms. But ultimately, underlying all of this inner suffering is a lack of trust, we believe that we should have known better, or we should have tried harder. We don't trust ourselves to do our best even though that is always what we are doing. If we know a person, and we haven't developed a great deal of trust, yet, we may be suspicious of this person, we may assume they will take advantage of us that they will try to skirt by without putting in the work we need from them. Or they may manipulate us in some way. And ultimately that they don't have our best interests at heart. And this colors, everything we think about this person, we begin to look for clues into how they're trying to cheat us. We second guess these people. And it is no different for ourselves, and how we treat ourselves. If we do not trust us, if we don't trust our brain, if we don't trust our body to function, we develop a negative relationship with ourself. And we are not treating ourselves like we would a dear friend, or like we would expect anyone to treat us. Now I personally have had this experience with myself where I didn't trust myself. I was at a Buddhist monastery in Thailand where I was living for a few months. And I shared with another monk that when I am meditating, I am getting these amazing insights. And I really want to write them down. You know, I told them, I'm a writer, I told them that I really want to share these insights and lessons with people. And I really want to write them down while I'm meditating. And like I want to pause my meditation and go write some stuff. And it's very disruptive because I can barely meditate for five minutes without wanting to go write down a bunch of thoughts. And then it's also disturbing my meditation, because I'm trying to focus on my breath. And it's like, ideas and ideas and things to write down and not forget, like my usual mode of thinking my usual mode is to always be writing and coming up with ideas and things I can jot down. So it's very distracting in my meditation. And so I said to this monk, you know, I, is that okay, I really want to write down what comes into my mind. And he said, you know, he didn't say yes or no, these Buddhist monks, they are too nice to say no, I tell you, and instead, he just phrased it in a question that gave me the answer that I needed, which was, examine why you feel the need to write down during meditate Asian. And what I came to from that brilliant question is ultimately I do not trust myself, I do not trust my memory, I do not trust my brain. And I don't trust my ability to be a writer to be a good writer, if I am not disturbing all my meditations, and of course, my writing will be better if I can actually meditate, and if I can actually do the things that I am talking about. So I began to trust myself. And what I have found is that my mind works better when it is not trying to grasp at concepts, and instead, let them come in the right moment, because I am fully present. And because this brain on all of our brains are magical organs, that stump the smartest scientists, you know, it's that wisdom that we have in us, that is so much more advanced and greater than our dumb little minds, you know, and I don't mean, of course, stupid, the human brain is incredible. But it pales in comparison to the wisdom of the universe, to the intricate design of our bodies and our brains. We just don't understand, really, at all, how life came into existence, how it works, why we're here, and where we're going. These bodies are so beyond our comprehension, we, if we were in charge of our heart beating, every second, we'd all be dead, because we get distracted, and we forget things. But these bodies know the precision, to pump the blood and to operate every single process that is necessary for life to exist. And so if you live in a universe, so far beyond our understanding, in these incredible bodies, that have cameras better than almost any other camera are two eyeballs that have these ears that are pretty much better than every microphone, to have all of these incredible senses, and to exist in this immaculate universe. That gives us a sunrise and a sunset every single day. That gives us that spectacular night sky every single night, if we didn't ruin it with light pollution, with every flower and plant and delicious fruit that is here and readily available for our enjoyment. If you live in that kind of universe, I think it is safe to say that we can all relax a little, we can all trust these bodies, and to this universe. We can trust that every thought we have is divinely implanted into our brains. That every choice we make is the universe making it through us that there is something going on so much bigger than we can perceive or understand. And instead of trying to shove it into a box in some way to understand it, or grasp at some concept or tried to put our desires and wishes above this infinitely vast cosmos is to pick a war with reality to fight this awe inspiring universe and ultimately to fight ourselves because we are the universe. We are not separated. We aren't even part of the whole the whole of the universe lies within us and we are in separable from that wholeness. The whole cannot exist without every part. And no part can exist without the whole and this is to be in wise relation. to ourselves, in the universe around us, every moment is a miracle. And when we can trust that, despite an undesirable situation, that this magnificent universe has a bigger plan that something larger is happening than ourselves. And that maybe what we think is undesirable in the moment, is actually leading and making room towards greater things to come, then we are not so hard on ourselves, then we are not so hard on the universe. And instead, we flow with the universe we merge with. And we love all of the universe, which means to love ourselves. We simply have to treat every single experience, like a divine messenger, like that it happened for a reason. And we just need to trust that it did. And then look for those clues as to why and what we can learn, and how we can move forward with this integrated knowledge in a way that leads us towards our future destiny, of divine intervention. Now, you don't have to believe in God. Simply the awe inspiring mystery of the universe, in its vastness, in its complexity, and its infinite beauty, are enough for us to ponder, with wonder, for the rest of our lives. You can call it the universe, you can call it God. You can call it source, you can call it the unifying field of consciousness that underlies our entire universe. That explains how atoms across the universe billions of light years apart, can be entangled, and react instantaneously with each other, faster than the speed of light. Because there is this dimension, beyond physical form, beyond time and space, from which everything emerges, we see an empty space where particles pop into existence out of nowhere. The unmanifest becomes manifest. And how can we live in this cosmic quantum field and not trust the brilliance of this life giving, life supporting life affirming universe? It doesn't matter. If you suffer from a disability, either mental or physical. Even you have this incredible experience of consciousness through these incredible bodies that are only disabled, if we compare them to someone else. And if we don't compare them, just like Stephen Hawking's, we can use this consciousness to explore the farthest reaches of the cosmos, to imagine black holes and to enjoy this rare and precious existence. It took billions of years for life to evolve to this point. So that we could exist in this moment, this brief moment, and the universe will go on for billions years more. after we are gone. We are here for the blink of an eye. The entire universe, conspiring for our existence, to see this universe to experience itself, consciousness, giving birth to me matter to this physical universe, so that it can create itself within itself, to be enjoyed, and to discover that most incredible feeling, love, love, for life, love for each other, and love with no object, simply pure love, love, for love itself. Every single animal must find its mate in the wilderness. Two birds can find each other two bugs, miles apart, can somehow find each other, and in an act of love, create life. And if everything is a microcosm, if everything repeats in these fractal patterns, as we see all around us, then we know that we were birthed into this universe with the love of the universe. And to fully love ourselves, just like we show love to others, we must give ourselves that greatest gift that anyone can give, which is the gift of our full attention. And we must spend precious quality time with ourselves without distractions, without other people's input, because that's really other people having a relationship with ourself. And so the more we give our undivided attention to ourselves, the more we pay attention, we talk to ourselves more lovingly, we are more gentle, with ourselves, kinder, more patient, more forgiving, just as we are with our closest friends and family, as we treat them with care and compassion, that we also deserve for ourself. And whether or not there is someone else around to show us love, there is no greater source than that which comes from within. So pay attention to those thoughts, how we are talking to ourselves, think when we are struggling, or mad at ourselves or feeling particularly regretful or like we've failed in some way. Think as if we are a dear friend, and talk to ourselves from this point of view. Yes, there will be tragedies in our lives, everyone we know and love will pass on there will be ups and downs, births and death joyous and sad times. But the universe has bigger plan and we do not know what lies on the other side of death. We do not know that it is a sad experience. We are only projecting our small, tiny view and perspective on to this grand universe to even try and understand it would be the height of arrogance. And so, let go of that grasping that need for understanding that need to control every aspect of our lives. It is the tension and stress. It is not the setbacks. It is the clinging to some idea of how life should be and that tight grip is like a fist of rage. So just try letting go and see what happens. See if you can still protect yourself, and be safe and keep your wits about you. While letting go of that tight control, see what happens to your dreams. If you stop forcing, and start trusting? Do you feel more energized, less fearful, able to put yourself out there and take more chances when the outcome is not as so vitally important as the journey itself, we're all going to get to the end of this life. Nobody has made it out alive, we're all going to get to that same destination. It's the same for every single one of us. It's that final breath, the big goodbye. And so will we look back and feel regret for not having enjoyed the journey and mistaking it for the destination? Or will we look back and be able to say, with confidence that we enjoyed to the maximum this life to the fullest that we were as present as we could be, that we didn't miss a moment that we allow the universe to keep unfolding as it did before we got here and as it will continue, after we leave. Or were we fighting, wishing we were somewhere else. Wishing we were someone else. That choice is up to each of us. And it starts right now. Whether we want to make friends with ourselves and the universe as it is in its totality, without delusion or exaggeration. Or if we want to be enemies in fighting, living in our head in some imagined, skewed fictional version of reality, always feeling it's not good enough. And wishing it was something else. And I think we can all agree, the best thing we can do is throw up our hands and say that this universe is bigger than me. This body is bigger than me. I had no part in building my body. I had no part in designing the laws of physics. And I am going to have to trust that this infinite universe is infinitely beyond my understanding. And instead of trying to be the driver on this roller coaster, I'm just gonna relax and enjoy the ride. What else is there to do on a roller coaster. But trust the engineers and go with the flow. Much love. You've been listening to path to peace with Todd Perelmuter. Being here and putting in this important and noble work is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself and others. If you found this podcast even a little helpful. Please make sure to leave a review so it can reach others who may be in need. And remember, the path to peace starts with a single step.