How to Get Out of My Comfort Zone and Be Content?

 A healthy amount of fear is good. It prevents us from taking a selfie too close to the edge of a cliff. But when fear goes beyond protecting us from danger, that's when fear becomes dangerous. When it morphs into protecting us from the slightest discomfort, then fear can become our prison.

Fear is an insidious monster that can take over our entire lives if we're not careful. It can turn every window of opportunity into a locked door. It can paralyze us, stunt our growth, and prevent us from living a full life.

So how do we overcome fear? How do we find comfort in the uncomfortable? And how can we both try new things, work to achieve big dreams, but still be happy with what we have right now? I answer all these questions and more in today's podcast.

Please enjoy other episodes where I share meditation techniques, tips and spiritual lessons from around the world for peaceful and stress-free living. Remember to subscribe to stay up-to-date.

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Transcript

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Welcome to path to peace with Todd Perelmuter. I'm your host, Todd Perelmuter our world is a projection of our collective consciousness, the more peace we bring into our lives, the more peace we bring into this world. So, let the transformation begin. Stress is not caused by stressful situations. Stress is caused by our expectations and desires for life to not be stressful. When we embrace that there will be stress and chaos and turmoil and conflict in our lives. We can enjoy those experiences, when we try so hard to create and craft and mold this perfect, peaceful, calm life, which often ends up looking like isolation, and solitude and loneliness, because this is the only way to truly have a peaceful life in a world of messy individuals. But if that is our goal, that is our desire, and that is what we tried to do to live a life free from stress, what ends up happening is whenever a unexpected or undesirable situation happens, we really stress we really struggle we have put so much effort and time and energy into living the perfect life externally. And so, when the inevitable clash of egos or you know, we bump into some angry stranger, and that conflict happens, then, we react negatively, and we create that stress response. Instead, if we never lose sight of the fact that life is unpredictable, chaotic and full of challenges, and difficulties and instability, then our expectations not only aligned with reality, but we are able to override that initial stress response. And we are able to truly enjoy difficult conversations, stressful circumstances, unfortunate events that happen to us. And we can really sit in those experiences and we can face whatever is difficult, with tremendous strength, with no fear, no stress. And this is how any situation is best dealt with. Panic is like pushing a self destruct button. But if we just know that life will have difficulties and struggles and conflict and obstacles and setbacks and short term failures, then we are aligned with life. And we are living more truthfully with ourselves and others, because we are not deluding ourselves into some perfect external situation where we can finally rest and relax and be at peace because we may blame external situations. But even if someone has every single thing, perfect, they will find something to stress about if they have not practiced nurturing their awareness and practicing stillness, presence, acceptance, letting go and the peaceful witnessing of all the changing phenomena around us. And this really is the underlying cause of our desire to stay in our comfort zone, and our discomfort breaking out of that. But if we look closer, we will begin to notice that we are asking this question out of discomfort, we are finding our comfort zone immensely uncomfortable. And we feel the suffocation we feel the diminishment of the quality of our life. And we see the scope of our lives and experience getting smaller and smaller, and our comfort zone becomes a prison. And with true mindfulness and honesty with ourselves, we will really see that there is the comfort zone, which we should call the discomfort zone. And the discomfort zone, we should call the getting comfortable zone. Because those are the really only two states that we can be in to stagnate and limit ourselves based on fears and doubts, and worries and stress creates enormous discomfort in our lives. And it leads us to long for and search and seek out these new experiences that challenge us where we grow and evolve because evolution and growth is our natural state of being it is why we are all here. We don't know much about where we came from, or where we're going. But we can see that each one of us grows, that each one of us evolves personally, that our children will have a greater awareness than we will. And so life is a constant expansion of that comfort zone. And the more we see that comfort zone, as the discomfort zone, and the larger universe around us as the getting comfortable zone, then the choice becomes clear. And really there is no choice only by embracing what is new and different and scary and strange at first, can we ever learn? Can we ever grow? Can we ever push the boundaries of what we were. And when we make embracing change, and randomness and unpredictability, our habitual mindset, we can avoid what happens to so many wonderful people as they age, which is to become very stubborn, very rigid, very set in your ways, even if it's making you sick, miserable, and often angry, and resentful. And maybe not even sure why. Because this changes as our bodies continue to change, our minds getting fixed, resist that change. And so we begin to turn very negative if we are not careful as we get older. And so a habit of flexibility, and a pliable mind. And an open mind is essential to aging with kindness, and wisdom. And it really starts with embracing difficult, challenging and scary but safe thinks we don't want to put anyone in danger. There's no need to go skydiving or do anything physically risky in any way. Now if you want to go skydiving, go for it. But if you simply are trying to come out of your shell or you are wanting to meet new people, learn new skills, whatever is scary, love it make that your thing that you want to explore until it makes sense. The biggest hindrance and opt stickle to stepping into the unknown is self limiting beliefs, any kind of sentence we tell ourselves about, I can't, not for me, maybe someone else I was just born this way or I just had these people in my life or you know, it won't work for me because x y&z Every single person on earth can change 100% Completely. Whatever we believe is what will become our reality. Whatever our mindset is, will determine the quality of our lives, whatever excuse we may have for playing it safe. Somebody in a much more difficult situation, overcame that obstacle. Whatever fears and doubts we have about ourselves, someone less fortunate, has achieved more. Whatever we tell ourselves is what we will believe about ourselves. And it is essential that we become mindful of our thoughts, especially limiting ones and those seeds of doubt. And defeatism, when we recognize those negative thoughts, we are able to do one of three things, we are able to believe those thoughts, and follow that train of thought. Or we can get mad at those thoughts and hate those thoughts and try to shut those thoughts up and force our brain to think more positive thoughts. And the third way, which is what I recommend, we can call it the middle path. That third way is to notice those thoughts except that they are there and then consciously, with intention, create new thoughts. If we believe them, they will be true for us. If we fight them, we are creating so much wasted energy on this inner conflict we are creating for no reason out of thin air, the wise and mindful solution is to simply notice, appreciate that they're there appreciate our mindfulness in being able to witness them, and appreciation for our higher wisdom to know that these are not in our greatest good that these do not define us that these are simply unconscious, unintentional negative thinking. That is the result of years of habitual negative thinking. And we forgive ourselves because we are simply the products of our environment. And if we were not shown before, how to stay present, and how to embrace those difficult moments in life, then it is only natural to respond to those moments with fear or stress or anger. And only by acknowledging those thoughts that are there, and the reasons that they are coming to the surface, can we let them go and move forward with new responses. And that new response will create energy instead of drain energy, where we can get excited for a difficult conversation, because we didn't expect a perfect day of everyone around us being happy all day. Or we can expect to fail at something when we first start to learn it. We can expect to feel like fools as we step out of our comfort zone. And we can know deep down that this is the process this is the expansion of knowledge and awareness, where we learn new skills, we try new things things, we fear, only stagnation. And we embrace all of the vibrance in the universe around us. This universe is our playground. And it is here for us to enjoy as much as we choose to. or as little as we choose to every single activity that a human can do on this earth, someone hates it, and someone else loves it. Are they a full for loving it, and if so, let me be that full. Because I think we can all agree that when we love everything, even our own shortcomings, even the unknown, and even those growing, and learning processes in others, and we can witness people failing, we can witness people being cruel or unmindful towards others. And we can understand and even appreciate that this is part of that evolutionary process. We are all evolving, none of us are perfect beings. None of us have evolved to Albert Einstein, wisdom and Gandhi love. And so to expect perfection out of ourselves, or anyone would be to live in delusion, and to embrace reality, is the only sane way to live. So notice the next time you get upset or stressed, notice how much of your anger is towards the fact that you really didn't want to be upset right now. So we're shifting our focus from this thing made me mad to noticing that it is really our desire not to deal with maddening things that made us mad. And notice how when we are in a stressful situation, or a scary situation, or an uncomfortable situation, notice how it is the wanting that situation not to exist, that is the cause of the stress. And never that moment, because it is in the response, where stresses it is not in the thing, because if a person can respond to challenging situations, and stressful, undesirable circumstances, with enthusiasm, and excitement, and never expected for these things not to happen. This is how truly successful people who have a lot of stress in their lives. They keep moving forward, they know things will come up, and setbacks will happen. And they are ready for it. They trust themselves to deal with it when it comes up. But they don't let it prevent them from moving forward. They don't let it paralyze or hinder their progress in any way. They recognize fear. And they push it to the side. They know it's there. They see if there's any clues or signs that they need to listen to that maybe something's not right with this deal or with this course of action. And if it is just fear of something going wrong fear of failure, they overcome it by simply embracing that there may be failure, but they have created a habitual response and a positive framework in their mind, to trust themselves, to deal with whatever situation arises. And so there is no more room for fear to exist because it is underscored with this immense confidence and trust in ourselves and in the universe. That whatever happens in each moment, we can overcome it. And there truly is no situation that we cannot sit with, that we cannot overcome. We each have the capacity to witness anything in life with stillness, and presence, we may feel like we have lost that ability. Because we live in an age where we don't have to use that strength. We don't have to sit with something uncomfortable, we don't have to try new things, we can do everything in our apartment or house, on our phones, we can get food delivered, we can get our groceries delivered. And we could never leave the house with our infinite, never ending streaming platforms, and social media feeds. But it is essential that we remember our strength and our power. And the best way to do that is to put ourselves in new situations, to try new things, to explore new places, and to live our lives to the fullest potential. Now, if that for you, is living in your apartment with your plants or your pets, that is perfect and beautiful. And you're probably not listening to this podcast. Because this is for people who find that comfort zone discomforting, and who are curious about how to break out of that, and to live a larger life, free from fear and stagnation. And the key truly is stillness inside with wise, skillful, mindful action on the outside. In this way, we can do anything we set our minds to. And we can even fail at anything we may fail, because failure is simply the price of growth. And growth is so much more meaningful than stagnation due to fear, and insecurity. So start small, if the options seem too overwhelming, take a different walk, take a different route to work. Order something different at the cafe. Try a new restaurant sparked up a conversation with a stranger. Take a class for a new skill, whatever interests you that you gave yourself a reason not to do. See if you can reframe those fears into excitement because truly fear and excitement are the same emotions with different stories we tell ourselves in our brain. One is a terrified story. And the other is joy. It is why some people find roller coasters terrifying. And some people love them. The emotion is the same. And so we can use that emotion to propel us forward if we create a conscious and intentional story that serves our highest good and why would we believe negative, fearful, complaining critical, doubting thoughts over the ones that come from the deepest places of who we are. Whenever there is something we want to try. And it's safe, and there's no risk. We simply have to ask ourselves what is the worst that can happen? And how can we best deal with it? Usually, that worst case scenario doesn't happen and isn't so bad. The more we meditate on our comfort zone being our prison and our discomfort zone. The easier it is to pop that safety bubble that we cocoon ourselves inside Have, and to tear down that barrier between us in the world, which usually is the ego, the ego is our protective barrier that is always trying to protect us. But it doesn't know that we're not in danger of bears and tigers anymore. And so we can witness it. Notice that it's there and use our higher wisdom and our deep intuition to guide us towards living the life that we were meant to live. It just takes quieting that ego, so we can hear our true selves. All fear, and doubt comes from the ego. Trusting an openness comes from our heart. And this is how we can tell the difference. And while we are quieting our fears, and we are watching our ego carefully as we become more mindful and present. And the more we embrace change, and the natural chaos of the world around us. We don't only become free from our fears, and our limitations, we also become more content with everything we have. Because we are no longer scared of losing it, we are no longer worried that we won't be enough or have enough. And so we not only step out of our comfort zone, but we also become more content with everything we have. And so stepping out of our comfort zone doesn't become an escape from the usual but it actually becomes a joyful exploration not out of need or want, but simply out of love for life itself. And it is really these two components that are essential for our evolution and growth. And they are embracing the constant change of our physical universe and simultaneously appreciating whatever arises in the present moment. To be happy all the time, is not to be free from stressful people or situations. It is to love everyone and everything, including stressful situations. You've been listening to path to peace with Todd Perelmuter. Being here and putting in this important and noble work is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself and others. If you found this podcast even a little helpful. Please make sure to leave a review so it can reach others who may be in need. And remember, the path to peace starts with a single step.