How to Handle Our Own Emotional Outbursts

We will all feel all of the human emotions throughout our lives. That's part of life. But when we let ourselves get swept away by those emotions, then we can act unmindfully and in ways that can hurt our reputation and relationships. When our emotions carry us away, we lose ourselves and we feel the emotions with great intensity as if they are happening to us.

When we are present, we don't feel emotions. Instead, we simply witness the sensations of our ever-changing emotions and thoughts. In today's podcast, I share some simple ways to help us stay present when heavy emotions come over us. I discuss how we can respond to difficult situations calmly and skillfully. And I share ways to reframe our stressors so that those heavy emotions don't come over us in the first place.

Please enjoy other episodes where I share meditation techniques, tips and spiritual lessons from around the world for peaceful and stress-free living. Remember to subscribe to stay up-to-date.

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Transcript

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Welcome to path to peace with Todd Perelmuter. I'm your host, Todd Perelmuter our world is a projection of our collective consciousness, the more peace we bring into our lives, the more peace we bring into this world. So let the transformation begin. emotions and feelings are neither bad, nor good. In fact, they are essential to our survival as a species, and as people. Just like when we feel hungry, we eat. And when we feel tired, we sleep. Similarly, when we feel good around a person, we develop bonds of affection. And we are more likely to cooperate and work together to help each other survive and prosper. When we get a feeling that someone may be dangerous, or we feel very stressed after interacting with them, that tells us to spend less time with that person to keep a safe distance. And it is really this combination of positive feelings versus negative feelings, that guides us that helps us Intuit what is best for us in each moment. But it's important that we are very mindful of those feelings of those responses that we have towards others. Because sometimes, we may sense a agitation in a person and a unpredictability, and we may feel unsafe, and we may want to create distance. Other times, it may be because someone looks like someone who was mean to us. And so by being mindful of not just those feelings, but where they come from, we can have better understanding into our own feelings so that we can rationally and logically decide whether they are rational or not. And so it is super important that we feel our feelings, not repress them, or suppress them. It's vital that we are aware of them. And that we are able to be that calm, witnessing presence, for our emotions. And in this way, we don't get swept away by our emotions. It's the difference between watching a dramatic movie and living inside of it. When we get swept away by very heavy emotions, we forget ourself, we forget that we witness this body, and we think we are this body. We think we are this mind, even though we are able to witness our thoughts, to witness our feelings. So when we forget that we are the witness, and we lose our self, our true self that witness that consciousness, we feel like everything is happening to us, we feel threatened, and we panic, and we lose it. When we lose ourself. We become slaves to our circumstance, in slaves to our surroundings, and to our environment. And instead of standing firm, and creating our reality, we are being bowled over by reality and our environment, and we are letting it knock us around, knock us over. And we are like a a tumbleweed blowing in the wind, aimless and lost. It is a wonderful and vital experience to notice our thoughts and feelings and emotions. But when we have an outburst when it is out of control, when we lose ourself, and we lose the here and now and we get swept away by that chaotic inner turmoil, then we are not acting wisely or skillfully. We have no patience, we have no self control. And we do things that we later regret, say things we would regret. And we know deep down, that we are not responding to the Universe with our greatest wisdom, with our greatest good in mind, and we are unskillful ly mindlessly lashing out and reacting, unconsciously and unintentionally. The problems that outbursts can have in our life are numerous from losing our jobs, to losing our families or creating very strained relationships. But above all, we are losing our mental peace, we are forgetting that source of true joy within. And we are expecting our circumstances to be our source of happiness. Because when we do that, then our circumstances dictate our mood, and our feelings and our actions. When we know that happiness comes from within, when we know that true peace and love are bursting forth from us. And nothing outside of us can diminish that light inside. We no longer try to control situations and people. We no longer require people to say only kind words, and to be only thoughtful and kind. And we no longer resist or fight with anything that is happening around us, we may change things, we may act upon situations to create more desirable outcomes, nothing changes. on that level, the only difference is on the inside. We are composed, and we are aware of our surroundings, and we are aware of ourselves. We never lose control when we are aware of ourselves. So the question becomes, why do I lose myself? Why do I forget where I am and what I'm doing. And there are many reasons for this. The first one has to do with our clinging to the past, when people are talking. Usually someone says something, the next person adds something to it, then the next person and the conversation builds. When someone is thinking too much about either what they're going to say in the future, or what was said in the past, the moment gets lost, and we start to respond in ways that make no sense. We may respond to something that was said five minutes ago. And we are not in the conversation. We are really in a monologue trying to fit our monologue into someone else's monologue. But when someone says something hurtful or upsetting, we tend to not let those words pass by and we grab hold of them, we fixate on them, and we cannot stop thinking about them. And we play it over and over and we start to think of comebacks or arguments and excuses are anything we think we can come up with to make us look better and them look worse. But this all stems from losing that present moment. And hooking on to some phrase or words from the past. It's like we have a net and we're trying to catch mean comments and we grab ahold of them and we hang on for dear life. And we make those words bigger and bigger because they are now taking up more and more of our attention and really it is us usually creating most conflict and drama. Now, sometimes, and another person we're talking to maybe trying as hard as they can to push our buttons and create drama, but it always takes two to fight And so if each of us is 100%, responsible for 50%, of a conversation and relationship, then each of us has the power to completely end all conflicts in their tracks, simply by staying present, being like Teflon to hurtful words. And staying with each moment, you know, it's not that we ignore those words, it's that we trust our minds and ourselves enough that we can hear them, we can understand and internalize the meaning and understand what's happened and been said. And then we can trust our minds that we can let it go. But we will still have that knowledge and information, we will still protect ourselves that our brains are so smart, that we don't have to constantly be reminding ourselves of some hurt or grievance in order to protect ourselves. And it's that really that holding on, that extends the conflict in ourselves. Anyone who has learned a language will know that these words and sentences of the new language we're learning, somehow they're in our brain, we don't have to constantly juggle those new words in our brain, that we can set it aside after we've learned it, and trust our brain to know that when we need to pull that information out, it'll be there. At first, whether it's learning a new language, or learning a musical instrument, whatever we're learning, at first, we feel completely insecure. We lack confidence in these new skills we're learning. And we feel like we aren't learning, we feel like we're not remembering anything. But the system works, the process works. And if we keep going, eventually, we are fluent in language, or we are experts at the piano and like any musician, like any multilingual person, musicians will talk about that they don't know how they know every note to play in a song, it just is there. And this is why we can start to trust ourselves more, and allow ourselves to let go. And the only risk is that we will be happier. Now we can make notes, don't go back to that person, if you want. If you really don't trust yourself, you can write a note and stick it in a drawer. But our minds are so amazing at protecting ourselves, you know, that is 2 billion years of generations of life forms leading up to us becoming better and better at survival. So, we can all relax a little and trust ourselves a little more. And know that we do not need to cling on to insults we do not have to relive them for one moment, after they are spoken. And in the air. We can simply know it was said know whether or not we need to remove ourselves stay or express ourselves and we can let go of everything else. Whenever somebody says something that triggers us, they are tapping into something within us that is already there. That is an insecurity or a fear. Some kind of self doubt is being triggered. So it is not the words, someone else spoke that actually caused our emotional outbursts. It is the lack of awareness of our true infinite selves that cannot be insecure, that cannot be hurt, that cannot ever die because it's not separate from everything in the universe. And instead we fall for the illusion that we are these separate entities disconnected, struggling for survival. And all of that lack and fear and insecurity is what leads us to emotional outbursts. In order to overcome that insecurity, we have to recognize that our thoughts come from two places, unconscious, unintentional thinking, versus conscious thinking with intention. And the unconscious type is the kind that we do 99% of the time, this is the thoughts that just pop into our head. They are usually repetitive over and over again, often the same thoughts we had yesterday. They're often negative, critical, self critical, and often nonsensical. And the other kind of thinking, we usually only use as affirmations or mantras. But this is a very powerful type of thinking, this is conscious and intentional thinking, this is us using our mind, instead of our mind using us. And we usually trust that ego, that negative critical unconscious thinking that seems like it's a separate entity, than we do our true selves with our highest wisdom, telling us positive truths that we find harder to believe, than the negative criticism. And the reason for that is simply because we are used to it, it is familiar, it is like our good friend, that negative voice. And the conscious, intentional thinking is unfamiliar, and we are less trusting of it. So we need to practice more positive, conscious, intentional thinking throughout the day. And this not only helps us trust that inner voice and overcome insecurity. But eventually, that becomes our habit, and our natural state of being, which is to be our own biggest fan, our biggest positive self talker. And we will then project that positivity to others in the world, and we will no longer lose ourselves. Because when we completely love ourselves, we also completely love the universe around us. Because however we feel about ourselves, is a reflection of how we feel about the universe, and vice versa. I recently made a video on YouTube called extremely powerful P O T meditation for ending negativity, which is all about that positive thinking. So P O T meditation for positive thinking. And it will tell you exactly how to do this meditation and to start this practice of building ourselves up instead of tearing us down like we tend to do. And other important aspect to help us overcome these emotional outburst is to notice this tendency that we all have towards jumping to conclusions, and impatiently panicking. Because all panic comes from impatience, and comes from a certainty of outcome, despite having no idea about the outcome. Because all panic is a fear response. And the fear response is that we assume something absolutely horrible has happened. And we forget the beautiful law of the universe, which is everything is always changing. And so what may seem bad today may actually be a blessing in disguise. And I think we all have had many experiences where something terrible happens. Personally, my house burned down, and we had nowhere to go. So we went to India, and we ended up shooting a documentary while we were there. And it became a big hit called aloneness to oneness. And it it was a life changing experience. And I could have panicked when the fire happened, could have gone into a depression. You know, who knows? But I knew that I did not know where this was going. I knew that this mysterious mystical universe has somehow held together for fit seemed billionaires. And that I would be foolish to question the awe inspiring magnitude of this miraculous universe. And so that's another thing to just remind ourselves, when we are feeling overwhelmed, is that we don't know how this can end. But we can always ask ourselves, what could be the better thing that this tragedy has made room for in my life, this universe is so much more complex than anything, Albert Einstein, or Stephen Hawking could understand. This is one of the reasons our mind is always trying to grasp at concepts and to hold on to them, and try to understand the world in some meaningful way. And while we are the smartest animals on this planet, it appears we are still not that much smarter than monkeys. And we would be wise to remember that it is okay. That things happen beyond our understanding, and to let those things be because it is in the mystery. And it is in that honesty, of not knowing that can be scary at first, but liberating upon further inspection, that will dissolve any illusions of certainty about any actions, or any events and whether they are going to be good or bad in the long run. And so whether we are sad because of some political story in the news, or because of some catastrophe in our lives, at the end of the day, the thing we may fear the most may be the greatest thing that could happen for us and our planet. Simultaneously, the thing we believe needs to happen the most may end up creating negative consequences down the road. And we all see how struggles and difficulties can both unite a country and a people. And they can even bring out the best in ourselves. And this is why we must remember that there is no end, there is no beginning, there is only change of forms. When things go to good, they may swing back to bad. And that may be necessary to swing back to good. And as we keep swinging, we keep elevating our consciousness as a collective species. And we make tremendous progress over time. But we need those struggles, and even those negative emotions for progress to be made. So no matter what happens, good or bad. If we remember that what appears good may turn out to be bad and what appears bad may turn out to be good. We can rest easy, knowing that we don't have all the answers, and that everything always works out. In the end. We can watch our panic without panicking. We can watch anger without anger. And we can watch any situation with peace and equanimity. When we know ourselves as the light of consciousness, which can never be disturbed, if we know that true happiness comes from within. And if we can sit with any discomfort, peacefully, entities the same way we sit with our emotions that are difficult, the same way. We witnessed that negative inner critic and we don't respond negatively. And we allow it to be and we're practicing the meditation and we're Just witnessing thoughts and emotions come and go. This is the exact same practice that will help us sit with someone who may be difficult to sit with. And we can listen without hurt or pain. And we can simply create a very loving, generous act by simply listening. And even if we feel anger, upset, sadness, disappointment, we simply witnessed them rise up, we witness it, make our blood boil, our heart rate, elevate, and our thoughts turn angry. And we just keep watching and listening to what comes next, and not getting caught up in any word. And we just flow, flow with time, flow with the present moment and flow with the universe. The more we sit with our unpleasant thoughts, and emotions, the greater the capacity we develop for unpleasantness and stressful situations. Our normal urge is to pull out the phone and distract ourselves when we have uncomfortable thoughts and feelings. Or to leave a situation when it's upsetting us. Now, of course, we're under no obligation to stay and be abused. But when we are talking with a loved one, when we are having a difficult conversation with someone that needs to be had, it is in these situations that we can keep sitting, we can keep witnessing. And we can keep accepting whatever is happening in each moment. And this is how we lower that heavy emotion, because we are wrapping it in that loving, calm embrace of peace and acceptance. That is the antidote for our emotional outburst. So whenever you feel that heavy emotion taking over, notice how maybe your body is slouching. Maybe you're even leaning over. There's these really funny metaphors that come into our vernacular, because they point to something very real and deep. So we have these expressions like a weight on our shoulders. And we see people who are older, who clearly look like they've got a lot on their mind, and their back is hunching over. Or we feel a lot of pressure on us. And we may literally be slouching or leaning over on something for support. We are literally being pushed around by the world. And one of the greatest acts of resistance and effecting change on the world is standing up straight. It is that act of just lifting our chin up and reminding ourselves that whatever is happening, we can handle it. We are strong enough to push back to stand firm and stand tall and stand proud. And so simply, just sitting up or standing up straight with our shoulders back in our chest, and chin held high can really be that reminder to ourselves, that we can take on anything. We can control our emotions, we can have some control on our lives, and we can exert our influence on the world around us. A guru once told me in India, he said notice people's postures. You'll see spineless people literally look like they have no spine. They're always slouching and looking kind of lazy and leaning back too far. So whenever you need that extra strength, all you got to do, sit up straight. And remember that you are a co creator of this beautiful universe. You've been listening to path to peace with Todd Perelmuter. Being here and putting in this important and noble work is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself and others. If you found this podcast even a little helpful, please make sure to leave a review so it can reach others who may be in need. And remember, the path to peace starts with a single step.