How to Accept That I Am Not the Person I Wanted to Be?

We all have plans and goals, but so does the universe. Sometimes our plans work out, and sometimes even more magical experiences are in store for us than we could have ever imagined. This may make life seem scary and uncertain, but we actually wouldn't want it any other way. Challenges make us grow, stress makes us stronger, and learning to overcome obstacles makes us smarter.

We are all here on this earth to learn, love and evolve. If we learned anything from The Twilight Zone, it's that actually getting everything we want, right when we want it, with no effort at all, will actually make us miserable, spoiled and unhappy. 

In today's podcast, I share how we can accept who we are and where we are in life. I talk about how we can use our setbacks as learning opportunities. And I discuss how we can reframe our successes and failures so that we can use them to reach our ultimate potential.

Please enjoy other episodes where I share meditation techniques, tips and spiritual lessons from around the world for peaceful and stress-free living. Remember to subscribe to stay up-to-date.

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Transcript

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Welcome to path to peace with Todd Perelmuter. I'm your host, Todd Perelmuter our world is a projection of our collective consciousness, the more peace we bring into our lives, the more peace we bring into this world. So let the transformation begin the first step to accepting that we are not the person we wanted to be in life, that we didn't achieve our goals that maybe we didn't build the family we were dreaming of, or reach a certain level of financial success that we hope to, is to recognize that first, nobody are very few people actually reach their goals achieve their dreams. And this is because most people, especially successful people, their ambitions, and their dreams are just out of reach. And this is what they find, eternally motivating. There are very few people who set a dream or a goal or had some idea of the way their life would become. And they turned that vision into a picture and into a reality for themselves. Now, this can be terrifying, or we can actually see it as a beautiful mystery, and an opportunity for the universe to give us riches that we never even could have dreamed of the universe is far too big. For our little dreams and ideas, we may have an idea of how things should go. And the universe may have a much more interesting and unpredictable idea in mind, when we feel like things may not be going to plan. And we feel that fear and stress rising within us, instead of holding on to that idea in our head about the way things should be. Let's instead grab on to the present moment, that constantly changing moment, everything is always changing. And when we cling on to something from the past, or the future are from some idea in our head, we are freezing and getting stuck, instead of flowing with that change and allowing that change, to show us that new, better reality that is becoming available to us. But when we cling on to those old ideas, we are fighting reality instead of embracing it. And this is really That's step one for insanity when we resist reality. And we ultimately tried to create a fictional reality in order to preserve our mental peace. And that is really what a lot of mental health issues are, is a unhealthy coping mechanism. And when we embrace change, and when we are in a situation that we don't love, that is the time to believe in change and to accept and welcome the moment this flow of present moment. Because whatever is happening, will change. And I know that we'll eat a huge meal on Thanksgiving and we'll say to ourselves, I'll never eat again, I'm sure of it. But of course, we all know what happens a few hours later. And so it's very easy to forget that everything changes and whatever we are feeling in the present moment, we feel we will feel forever. But in a minute, we will probably be on to something else thinking about something else something else pops into our head and we have already moved on. It is just that grasping and fixating there It is what prevents us from moving forward. And when we really get in that stuck space, that is when our ability to witness what is happening, witnessed the thoughts, witnessed the fears, and to just watch whatever is happening, and we don't have to react negatively, we can simply accept this ever changing moment. And welcome, each new moment as it comes, as we let go of the previous one. A lot of what the stress and frustration comes from, with regards to unmet dreams is, we put all our hope, into this outcome, this end result. And we lost sight of the moment to moment, pleasure and joy we can get from following our dreams, when we are totally present, working on one task at a time, and we are trying to reach some goal. We can face very stressful situations, when we are completely focused on the task at hand, and not the outcome that we are hoping for. This is how we perform better because we are giving something our full attention. And it is how we are able to deal with the ups and downs and all the fires we have to put out at work in order to reach our dreams. So hope is an incredible motivator. And it can really carry us through those setbacks and obstacles and difficulties. Now, there tends to be two types of people when it comes to hope. There are the people that are afraid to have hope. They're they're afraid to be let down. They feel that if they get their hopes up, the crushing despair that follows if they fail, will make the initial hope seem like it wasn't worth it. And that is a perfectly fine way to approach hope, if that is your lived experience. And that is what you find to be more pleasurable. And for you staying off of those roller coasters of high and lows is better than facing those extreme highs and extreme lows, then that sounds like a very peaceful, centered place to be. And nothing wrong with that. The second category of people, these are the people who take big risks and dive in with both feet into the pool without looking and these people love hope don't mind getting crushed too much. And they thrive in that adrenaline fueled, fast paced, big risk environment. And again, if that is you, and it creates nothing but joy and fulfillment, it is a wonderful ability to be able to handle those types of high adrenaline situations. But if those two methods are not working, if you are in that first camp and you have no hope, but you'd like some, or if you're in that second camp who likes the hope but not the lows. There is a third way and this third way is that middle path, which is my favorite path. And that is to hope without expectations. Expectations mean that you assume the universe will do the thing that you are putting on to the universe you're putting your expectations on to other people, other circumstances and to the universe at large. and you are creating this separation, this otherness and you are also putting your demands on to others and on the world around us. This sets us up to a be miserable when our hopes don't come true. And B creates a inevitable conflict with us, and reality with us, and everyone around us. But when we hope, without expectations, nothing can crush our hope. And we become good and skilled at finding reasons to stay hopeful. And we cannot have hope, and also feel like failures in our lives because we didn't achieve the things we wanted to hope is purely a belief that things will work out. When you have expectations, you say they have to work out this way, like this, and then like this, and then like this, but when we simply hope. And we just live in that feeling of hope, with no goals or expectations in mind, no results or outcomes, no destination, just this journey will be beautiful, then that hope never gets crushed. Because we have nurtured a peaceful and positive inner world that we will find projected everywhere we look. I don't know about you, but I would rather be hopeful till the day I die. Then pessimistic and dying in my last words being I told you so. I would much rather be happy and say to my loved ones, it's all going to be fine. The other aspect in regards to this disappointing feeling of not reaching our goals and dreams is this entering into our consciousness, a feeling of giving up. We feel like it's too late. And we feel like it's not even worth trying because we can't achieve all that we want to. But no matter who you are, or how old are where you live, we are never too old to give up. And we can always keep pursuing our dreams. And we can discover that it is the pursuing that is the fun part. That is the artist getting their hands dirty with paint. That is the writer putting notecards on the wall, trying to figure out the outline to their screenplay, you know all of that struggle. That is the good stuff. It's not the awards, which lasts for a day and most people have no memory of because they were too nervous and not present. It's not the huge houses and money in their bank account with no one to hug. It's the joy from putting in the work and seeing that work, pay off and being the reward in and of itself. That beautiful journey. It doesn't matter how fancy the stuff is around us. How many people compliment us or praise our work or how much money we can put away in our bank account. Someone who loves acting and finds that to be so thrilling. It doesn't matter if they are the world's biggest movie star or if they are a community theater member. They are living The Dream, maybe not the dream they thought they wanted, but maybe the one they thought they wanted, would have turned into a life of debauchery and vice. And maybe they would have gone the way of so many of those tortured, actors, we lost far too young. We just don't know what could have happened. And so, living in what is happening is not only the rational, logical thing to do, but when we live in regret, and wishing and longing, we only end up fighting reality, and making ourselves miserable. During my travels, I met a 92 year old woman, this woman had just finished her fourth best selling book, she had been a fishing boat captain her entire life. And at 70, when she retired, she decided to start writing, and that she wanted to be a writer. And of course, a lot of people thought she was crazy. But this woman has just stayed in my mind, because she is the clearest example, that we are never too old to start over, that we are never too old to completely change our lives. And it doesn't matter if we achieve or fail. All that matters, is not giving up and enjoying the journey. Goals are not about results, achieving results achieving some goal or outcome. Goals are about purpose. Goals, give our lives directions. They don't necessarily take us to a certain place. But they guide us which direction to go. When we mistake the goal for the destination, instead of the journey, we open ourselves up to suffering any kind of setback or divergence. When we see the goal, as our guide, as the journey, then we see the obstacles as not only inevitable and welcomed, but we can even see them as the essential building blocks of our dreams and goals. Because every setback, every obstacle, every fear and doubt that we overcome is a step in the ladder towards bigger and bigger success. The difference between feeling like a failure and feeling like a success is not your job title or your house size, or any measure of success. The difference between feeling like a failure and success is our energy and attitude. When we are young, we have so much energy, optimism and hope. As we get older, we start to lose that spark that energy and confidence. But just because we get older does not mean our attitude, or our outlook has to change in any way. No matter what we feel is standing in our way. We can start doing something towards our goals right now. We can do something that brings us purpose and fulfillment right now. If you wanted to be a famous painter, you can start painting now, at 95 100. If you wanted to be a writer, you can pick up a pen. It doesn't matter if nobody reads it. All that matters is you are doing the thing that you wanted to do. It is not our achievements that matter. It is our actions. How are we living our lives? How are we using our time, there is nothing stopping any one of us from being exactly who we want to be. In this moment. I love so much to hear Jim Kerry's perspective on spirituality because he comes at it from an actor's perspective. And he often talks about when he takes on these roles, he becomes these people. And what he realized is that Jim Carrey was just another role that he had taken on. And that is something that we all experience when we go down that spiritual path. When we shed those false identities. And we shed all of that constructed personality we've crafted through our lives, we shed that name, and that idea that we're this body. And we shed these roles that have been placed on us. And we get in touch with our true self, the deepest part of us beyond the mind, beyond the body. And just like Jim Carrey learned after achieving every dream he ever dreamed of, and discovering that it didn't bring him happiness or fulfillment. The real magic is in the journey, and the journey never stops. You've been listening to path to peace with Todd Perelmuter. Being here and putting in this important and noble work is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself and others. If you found this podcast even a little helpful. Please make sure to leave a review so it can reach others who may be in need. And remember, the path to peace starts with a single step.