Would Oneness Make Me Suffer When Others Do?

A near universal experience as people begin to go down the spiritual path is that they discover that when they are no longer disconnected from the rest of the universe, they become highly sensitive and empathetic. This can be a very uncomfortable experience at first simply because it is so new and different. Some people wonder if this means that the spiritual path is bad or not meant for them.

In today's podcast episode, I talk about why this sense of oneness can make us more sensitive, why that's actually a great thing, and how we can all use this newfound discomfort as a vehicle for going deeper, so that we can go beyond the unfamiliar phase and into a deeper state of peace and understanding than ever before.

Please enjoy other episodes where I share meditation techniques, tips and spiritual lessons from around the world for peaceful and stress-free living. Remember to subscribe to stay up-to-date.

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Transcript

Speaker 1  0:02  
Welcome to path to peace with Todd Perelmuter. I'm your host, Todd Perelmuter our world is a projection of our collective consciousness. The more peace we bring into our lives, the more peace we bring into this world. So let the transformation begin. One of the most common difficulties that people have, as they embark down this spiritual journey, this journey within it is so common, it's almost a universal experience that we all share, as we start to unlearn some of the conditioning that we were brought up with, and rediscover that true essence of who we are. And as we go from this old way of thinking, where we think everything is separate, and we feel isolated from everything else, that kind of constant thinking, where we're always in our head, and we're always lost in our thoughts and emotions, we may have 10% awareness of our surroundings, with 90%. Being in the egoic, thinking part of the mind where all those thoughts come from. And this spiritual journey is really about reconnecting with the here and now in this moment, and being present and mindful of what is happening in this moment, both within our mind and body, and around us. What this is doing, is really opening our heart, to the present moment to reality to the world around us. And oftentimes, this heightens our awareness of our empathy. This opening process, as we get out of our head, and we open that door and walk into this present real moment, it is very common, very normal. And even as we look into it expected, that the more we open our hearts, the more sensitive we become, to the suffering of others, or the cruelty of others towards ourselves. Because we're no longer hunkered inside of our walled fortress that the ego has constructed for us, we are now vulnerable, we are out into the world we are fearless, and courageously stepping out into this universe, in order to experience it, truthfully, no longer hiding behind that ego, that self praise and self adulation, or any of the other tricks and techniques the ego uses to protect itself and to protect our body as well. That is the egos role that fear machine to protect us. You know, it was great when we lived in the wild. And in modern society with police, firemen, and ambulances, we don't have to really worry about getting eaten by a bear too much anymore, or getting attacked by a tiger. And so this fear mechanism, which is the only reason we are all here today, because we are all the successful lineage of 2 billion years of life on this planet and billions of generations of living organisms leading up to each and every one of us. And it was because we ran away from danger, that we are all here today. The problem is, though, that we don't need to activate that fear mechanism, simply because we have Office stress, or because there's family drama going on. And so when we become mindful of that fear response when we become mindful of the way that the ego works and how it keeps us safe Thinking 24/7 Then we can start to consciously move beyond that automatic unconscious fear response, and that unconscious, unintentional, incessant stream of thought, as we move beyond the ego, and we step out of our protective turtle shell, metaphorically, and we step into the world for the first time fully present, and fully one with everything around us. We, because it's new, because it's different, because it's unfamiliar, we will have feelings of this heightened sensitivity, and this jarring, uncomfortable feeling. And we may think to ourselves, this, this is not the right way, this is not what feels good. This isn't safe, like what was before where I was in my walled off garden. But it is not that being present and living in oneness were disturbing, or negative in any way. It was simply that this new way of being is new, indifferent. And when things are new, indifferent, there can be fear. And when we heighten our awareness that will bring a level of discomfort, because when we meditate, and we've put our full attention on our breath, or mantra, or something else, in the present moment, we are focusing on something very subtle. We're not focusing on the latest Marvel movie, you know, we're not focusing on dessert, we're focusing on something very subtle and nuanced. And the more we just look at something that is not exhilarating and exciting, but is rather boring and dull. The more we look, the more we see. And we begin to become aware of so much more nuance and subtlety in our daily lives. And this can be very jarring because this isn't one of those spiritual teachings where I tell you that you can achieve ESP and psychic abilities. Although the ability to perceive micro expressions, the ability to notice subtle energy difference in the way a person is carrying themselves, you might notice someone's heartbeat, elevating, or their blood pressure or their breathing is shallow, or you can just start to notice people's anxieties, worries, you can tell almost what people are thinking, because you are so much more tuned into what is happening around you and the people you are interacting with. And that can be very difficult because when it's new, you know, we may notice someone looking angry. And we may internalize that because of our old way of thinking the ego. And we may think that they are mad at us or they are judging us or they are critical of us. And before we might not have noticed the other person having some stress or agitation and as our awareness is heightened at first, seeing a negative look on someone's face may make us think all sorts of horrible things like they're thinking we're stupid or ugly, you know, the worst things imaginable like our ego based fear used to do when someone would

Speaker 1  9:10  
you know, have an angry face at us after a while, you know, simply continuing the practice and we get familiar and we get comfortable in our skin in the present moment outside of our head. This is when we reach a second level because where oneness is frustrating when it is creating suffering within us we are not at the final level we are on the first step of the staircase. We are barely moving at all and we have to keep going because then the next step we realize people have so many reasons to be stressed, worried, depressed, angry, you know it could have been Did the driver that cut them off in traffic that morning, it could be the long line at the coffee shop, you know, over time, we begin to realize more of the causes, and potential causes behind the things that we're suddenly now aware of that we were not aware of before. And so we just have to keep expanding our perspective and our mindfulness, and our presence. And when we do that, we no longer only see what we are seeing, we don't just see some frustrated coworker in front of us, we see what we don't know, we see the infinite things that could have happened just before we saw that person. And so our perspective, by being fully present, we can become aware of past and potential futures. And this is really step two, where we dive deep into what could be the causes, what could be the effects, and we don't simply take what we're seeing as the full picture. There are many traps that we fall, and stumble on, on that spiritual journey. And we'll keep that staircase metaphor going, because it's a good metaphor. So you know, that first step, stage one first month, two months, few months, we are beginning to notice the differences in our awareness. And in our way of being. And one of those stumbling blocks is to get to step two, the very common stumbling blocks are thinking we're enlightened. This is near universal as well, where we have a great meditation, maybe a week after we started, and we're enlightened. And there's very many great stories of people who've done this. Sam Harris, in his book, waking up, tells a great story where he's at this Ashram and one of the students says that she's enlightened. And the guru says, okay, okay. Well, are you thinking now? And she's like, nope, not thinking. And he goes, Okay. Why don't you just tell me when the next thought appears? And we'll all just sit quietly until that happens. And about two seconds later, she goes, Oh, there's a thought, Oh, there's another one. Okay, I'm still thinking. And that was her realization that she was so unaware of her thoughts, and her thinking that she thought she wasn't thinking. And so that was actually her getting to the first step, and many other common traps, but enlightened very quickly, is one of the major ones. And so is this struggle, this dark night of the soul, this adjusting to oneness, and it is an adjustment, because when we have been living our entire lives a certain way, no matter if it was idyllic, or a nightmare, that experience that we lived with our whole life becomes our safe space, it becomes so comfortable, and anything outside of that feels like we need a life preserver. It feels terrifying. And this is why people become institutionalized in prisons, and they are unable to survive on the outside. Because for 10 or 20 years, someone has told them, when to go to the bathroom, when to eat, and when to sleep, and they lose that ability to even be free. The first few weeks or months of the spiritual journey are much similar. Where that friend that ego friend in our brain who was always there for us always to fill our time with nonsense. is gone. And will this be better? We don't know. From before, we would think that this will be the most boring several decades of our lives if we have to go and live without any thoughts in our mind. And all we have to do is even look around and notice that people cannot stand peace and quiet. People love, drama, and excitement and chaos, because we've been conditioned. But once we get a taste of inner peace, and inner joy, that is based on nothing, and no circumstances, no materialism, no, just an inner lasting peace. Because when that joy comes from a thing, it can never last. And it can never be real, because it was given to us externally, which means we become a slave to whatever brings us happiness, when we are not in touch with our true selves, beyond the ego beyond thoughts, where there is a deep peace, there is pure love for life itself. And we all have this and it is far greater than any food or product or any momentary pleasure could ever be. We are all born with this inner compass, pointing us deep inside to our heart center. And it is this place where inner peace and pure universal love come from this is love with no object, you know, not romantic love, not familial love, not loving your friends, this is just that feeling of pure love with no recipient. And it is so essential that we connect with because it is as important as our hunger and our drive to procreate. Because that love for life is the reason we're all here. Why every generation before us lived, worked so hard and sacrificed so much and provided for children, so that we could be here. And it was just because we all have this love for life. This is why we all are here. There is no other reason. Not love for your life or someone else's life. But love for life itself, the gift of being here to witness and experience this incredible universe. And I know that it is very difficult in the early stages, when we see suffering, when we see cruelty, and we are so open. And the wounds we feel cut so deep when we step out of that shell, but

Speaker 1  18:48  
we truly cannot help anyone. If we are not mindful, we may want to help we may try to help. But if we are not mindful of how our actions affect others, and affect ourselves and what kind of impact they will have on the future, then we may create more harm than good. And we see this all the time we see a charity tried to do something or a government tried to do something. And they ended up creating 10 more problems because they were not mindful with how they offered help. For example, we have tried in the past to build homes for homeless people, and we wanted them to be really nice. So we built really nice homes. This was a nonprofit that was building homes for the homeless. And they built them so nice that the homeless people couldn't afford to stay in them. They couldn't afford the upkeep and the taxes. And so they ended up having to sell or move out. So these are just simple ways. that we may want to help. But if we are not mindful, then there can be consequences that we're unaware of. And we can end up doing more harm than good. So what we need to do, we need to be mindful, we need to step out of ourselves become selfless, in order to not only be our most joyful selves, but so that we can be surrounded by and live in a world full of enlightened loving souls. Because that is really the truest, deepest happiness when everyone around us is healthy and happy as well. And the way we are able to do that, the way we get to that second step on that staircase to enlightenment is a wonderful, ancient Buddhist concept, that is called No, and let go, No, and let go. This is what we practice in meditation. And this is what we all can aspire to live our lives doing. And it simply means to notice, to know and understand, and then let go and move forward. The egoic thinking mind, that old way of thinking, wants to accumulate knowledge, it wants to have 1000 stories on hand to tell to be entertaining, and clever seeming, and it always wants to acquire and accumulate. So it has something very cool to say at the party. But the thing is, that is a fear response, because we do not have to hold on to remember, we can let go. And remember, we can forgive and still remember what someone has done, that someone may be unsafe to be around. Our brains are so much more advanced than our ego will let us believe. And we do not have to run stories over and over in our mind, in order to become wiser, or to lock it into our memory tighter. We can no notice, recognize, become aware of whatever is happening around us, we can see it clearly without thoughts, labels, opinions and judgments. And this is actually the only way we can truly see clearly, because those opinions, labels and judgments obscure the reality of the situation. Because yes, all those judgments, all those opinions are true. But someone out there has the complete opposite opinion. And it is equally true. And so a wiser way to see the world is with a neutrality, so that we can see it as it truly is not good, not bad, just something happening. Something for us to either change, or accept without any negativity, or even positivity, and we can remain peaceful throughout. In meditation, when thoughts enter our mind, we notice them. We make a note of what made our mind get distracted. And then we let it go. And we bring our attention back to our breath, or mantra. This is the Zen way we move through life to know to be aware, let go move on. Don't keep accumulating baggage, accumulating. Stories. Simply Be observant and be present. And all the information and wisdom that you have gained will come forth in the moment it's needed. And that is the way the mind works. So, when there is difficulty, when there is suffering that you witness, simply bear witness and then move forward in the most mindful, skillful way possible. This is how we develop that familiarity with this new way of being, we sit with those new emotions with those new, painful feelings of empathy. When we see others suffer, and we just sit with them, we hold space for them. And then we let that moment go so that we can be present for others. And if we are not present for others, then we are not going to be able to be present for ourselves either, because it's all one. And so keep it up. You are on the right path. Sit with those unpleasant feelings no matter how unpleasant they feel. And you can transmute that energy into compassion and love for our fellow humans. You've been listening to path to peace with Todd Perelmuter. Being here and putting in this important and noble work is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself and others. If you found this podcast even a little helpful, please make sure to leave a review so it can reach others who may be in need. And remember, the path to peace starts with a single step.