Why Should I Try to Change and Become Better If I Am Alone?

Spirituality is a word that means something different to just about everyone. Some people think spirituality is about being kind to others at the expense of ourself. They think it means being taken advantage of, letting governments and people do anything they want, being passive, inactive, and naive.

Other people think spirituality is all about selfish interests, self-love, self-care, and selfishly feeling happy despite the many problems in the world. They think spirituality means taking care of yourself at the expense of everything else. 

But, both of these views miss the bigger picture. Other people's joy is our joy. Our joy, if we are surrounded by misery, is not the deeply joyful experience we long for. And so it is by recognizing our interconnectedness, even if we feel like we are alone, that we can see how our actions impact the world, and how that impact gets amplified and multiplied until it eventually gets reflected back to us. 

In this podcast episode, I talk about how we can make the greatest impact on ourselves, on others, and how the changes we each make within can change the world entire.

Please enjoy other episodes where I share meditation techniques, tips and spiritual lessons from around the world for peaceful and stress-free living. Remember to subscribe to stay up-to-date.

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Transcript

0:02  
Welcome to path to peace with Todd Perelmuter. I'm your host, Todd Perelmuter our world is a projection of our collective consciousness. The more peace we bring into our lives, the more peace we bring into this world. So let the transformation begin.

0:24  
Today's question is, why should I change myself to become better? If I have nobody in my life in this is really a two pronged question. Because when we say better, what do we really mean? And that word better, I think means two things to the person that asked this question. Number one, better in the sense of, I want to feel better, I want my mind to stop fighting me, I want to be happier, healthier, and better in all of those senses. And the second sense is better meaning, morally speaking.

1:13  
And we'll address both today because they really do go hand in hand, we could wonder, you know, why should I work on myself? If I'm alone, when I could simply give in completely to addiction or Escapism through entertainment, or losing myself in my work? Why bother meditating, eating right? Doing yoga, spending time outdoors, being active, meeting new people?

1:55  
And the second part of this question is, why should I become a better person? To others? If I am by myself, you know, why should I be kinder, more patient, a better listener, more honest, more generous, and more compassionate. And the very beautiful thing about spirituality is that we take this holistic viewpoint. So these two concepts really are one in the same. And the reason we work on ourselves is so we can be better to others, including ourselves as well.

2:44  
And one of the reasons we practice compassion, and kindness is because of how enriching it is for ourself.

2:57  
And so let's first start with the latter, and then work our way back to the former, and then talk about how they are interconnected and feed off of each other, when we are practicing compassion towards others. And as we practice, self love, healing and personal growth, when it comes to becoming a better person, towards others, no person is an island. 

3:34  
No one really completely lives alone, with no interaction to other people. I've met many Sadhus and monks who would meditate for years in solitude in a cave. And yet, someone would bring them food daily. And so we are truly interconnected beings. And if you're listening to this, it tells me you are not that rare person living in the forest, completely cut off from everyone completely living off the land, and truly alone and away from humans. Some someone sold you the device that you're listening to this podcast on. 

4:29  
So not completely alone. Everything in this universe is deeply interconnected. And little actions can have drastic consequences and large ripple effects that spread out in every direction. It's very difficult to have some action be taken, that has no consequences because if you really

5:00  
Look into it. Almost every single action that anyone takes either affects themselves in a way that changes them. And so when they interact with other people, they are fundamentally different because they have gone through some kind of event, which, as hard as they tried to keep secret from everyone else, subtly affects that person in some way. 

5:30  
And then that person may respond differently to someone else, which further changes that person. And so that's the best case scenario where we are trying to do something and no one sees and no one's around. But most of the time, we're doing something, someone else's around someone else's affected. And that ripple effect gets much more powerful. When we are selfish, if we are impatient or unkind, our interactions with people will more likely be negative, and confrontational. 

6:10  
And those ripple effects, which spread out in every direction of this universe, inevitably makes the universe a more negative, confrontational place, you might get in a fight with someone, and that person may later get in a fight with their spouse or a child, because they have taken on that combat of and stressful encounter, then that kid or spouse will take on that traumatic experience, and they will have to spend time healing that process or not, and passing on more anger, and confrontation.

6:59  
But when we nurture compassion, when we nurture our generosity, our loving kindness, which is possible, and that many, many, many spiritualities, religions, faiths, and even ancient tribal practices would teach us how to be more loving and kind. And Buddhists are famous for this. 

7:34  
They have a loving kindness meditation, they discuss how can we be more kind, they talk about it, they think about it, they show each other by example, hosting, and being very generous to strangers, or anyone who comes along. And really teaching by example, showing what loving kindness looks like. And the more we learn this, the more we practice this, the more we meditate and visualize on this, this feeling of love and compassion for everyone.

8:16  
The more our interaction interactions become positive, become joyful.

8:27  
And the more they fill us up with that love for life, instead of draining us and taking it away. And so that becomes a ripple effect. People pass love on.

8:44  
And when we have that mindset of patience and contentment, and we're fully present, and we're not worrying or stressing, and we're just flowing with the universe, we are more likely to have many more of these positive and uplifting experiences, creating a more positive universe that then gets projected back at us from the impact we have made. Because when we are that example, everyone around us becomes affected by that. 

9:26  
And then everyone around all of those people become affected by those people. And even though it can be subtle and nuanced, these little acts these ways that we take care of our mind so that we can be fully present for others.

9:50  
This is really the only way the world changes.

9:56  
And you may be alone right now But that doesn't mean you'll be alone forever. And the more you tap into that wellspring of universal love, which is in all of us, and it is infinitely deep, the more likely it is that our encounters with strangers become so joyful, and so meaningful, that they want to spend time with you, and you want to spend time with them. And pretty soon no one will leave you alone.

10:33  
Unless you want to be left alone. And then I'm sure they'll respect your your boundaries. But we are social creatures. And I know that some people are more introverted, and some people are more extroverted. And we always have to listen to our own hearts, because we're all different. But at the end of the day, we are social animals. 

10:52  
And even if it's two introverts sitting in silence together, that sharing of space, and energy is so healing, and so powerful, that it is one of the main causes for people to live into very old age. And if solitude is where you heal, that is perfectly fine. There are many monks, who live in solitude, many mystics and holy men and women who have found a great source of peace there.

11:31  
But if you nurture that feeling of love and compassion within you, and if you are just bursting with love, and joy, and everyone you meet, just wants to be basking in your glow, you may find yourself no longer alone. And you'll be very glad that you practiced, how to be gracious and at peace, so that you can enjoy the company of others, you can enjoy alone time as well.

12:11  
Because you have created a life that is more about giving to others, then being self centered, or self conscious.

12:25  
And this is very easy to do. There is a loving kindness meditation on my YouTube page, which is very effective for expanding our capacity to love and to really drill down deep into our subconscious, this kind of mental state, so that it becomes habitual, instinctual and ever present.

12:58  
The second thing we can do is something that is very common in Hinduism, and Buddhism, which is they have these precepts or vows that they all take monks and ashram members in order to create a more peaceful, harmonious life. 

13:25  
And the way they do that is with their actions, thoughts, and words, in alignment with their intentions. When there is disunity, when we are addicted to something, and we want to stop, but we can't and we keep doing it over and over again. It creates that disunity, and it creates inner turmoil, because our actions are not aligned with our intentions. And even our thoughts are betraying us. 

13:59  
And so what what they take a vow for is to live honestly, and make an honest living, to never lie, to never steal, into never harm another living being. While they have more vows and precepts that they take beyond these, just these alone will really help us to find balance and live without fear, fear of getting caught fear of someone taking revenge on you, and it frees you because when you are not harming anyone, then you really have a freedom that arises to do as you wish because you are not harming and so the more you do, the better.

14:59  
Wherever you go If you make situations better, and people will treat you, the way you treat them in life dramatically improves, when we simply give our fellow humans our own time and attention, to be fully present with them, and to have the generosity and kindness to hold space with them, to allow them to be and in doing so, them allowing you to be and two souls are helping each other, be more authentically themselves.

15:44  
So they can blossom into the people they were meant to be. And the amount of ripple effects from treating everyone like the magical beings, they are become so great that you are constantly surrounded by love and joy from others. When you become the engine of kindness, it is like you are starting that engine of kindness and everyone around you, you will be spreading this joy contagion to others, and they will spread it right back to you. And it will just build and build and build and then you'll look back, and you will be amazed at the joyous life you have created.

16:44  
Now, the second way that we become better and better ourselves, is through that inner work. And that is the work of meditation.

17:00  
Mindfulness being more present in our daily lives, getting rid of our stress in a healthy and productive way, instead of trying to escape it through drugs, alcohol, gambling, etc.

17:21  
It's getting physically healthy, not just spiritually and mentally, which means eating whole foods that come from nature, and getting our bodies moving. So why should we do that? Why should we try to do that right thing? That's hard, if we are alone, and nobody will be there to see our progress or praise us or notice our change? Well, the answer to that is, if your mind is creating nothing but joy, and you feel deeply grateful and blessed and wonderful, and there is not a problem in the world, then you are probably not asking this question.

18:21  
But if your mind is generating suffering, if something feels like it's missing in your life, if you feel like there is something more to the work, play sleep cycle of life.

18:39  
If you feel that there is potential to experience this life in a more beautiful and profound way, then that inner work is there for us. And even though that inner work will certainly make you kinder to the clerk at the grocery store, or the barista at the coffee shop, and even though it can bring meaning to those moments, where we interact, which, again, science has shown those little moments of human interaction, a waiter, a bank teller, those moments are very healing and very fulfilling. 

19:33  
And people report how much it brightens their day when a stranger compliments their outfit or shoes or when someone has a conversation with a stranger on the street. But the real reason we do that inner work is because we recognize that all suffering stems from the mind and just to prove that that is true

20:01  
Here's a little thought experiment, let's say you have a situation where a person gets robbed. And that person gets really angry and really sad and just furious that this happened.

20:21  
Now, take that same person in the same situation. But let's just say he's high on drugs. And I think we'll see that because his mind is different, that he can be totally fine. With his stuff being stolen, not mine did not even notice.

20:42  
But the beauty is that inner work changes our mindset, but not in a way that dulls our senses, but in a way that heightens them, that raises our awareness to the point where we recognize that the anger does not serve us that the anger doesn't get our stuff back. 

21:02  
And that it only hurts us raises our blood pressure gives us a panic attack, constricts our blood vessels, causes back pain and shoulder pain and all of those stress related chronic pains, that inner work, we can all change our mind. And in a way that increases our wisdom. Because we are practicing, raising our awareness, and it's awareness and observation, that are the foundation for wisdom. 

21:42  
And that is why every scientific field involves observation, scientific study is observation.

21:53  
And so the more we practice, witnessing our thoughts, we become deeply knowledgeable about how our mind works. So that we get to a place where we're not lost in our thoughts, we're witnessing our thoughts. And we can get to a place where we practice so much that we let go of the past, we let go of the future. And we're able to sit in the present and enjoy the moment.

22:23  
Many people will try and spend their whole lives chasing after some pleasure in order to avoid the here and now. And they just make their entire life a chase. And it's constantly has to go from pleasure to pleasure, entertainment, to entertainment, distraction to distraction, or they find out when they have to finally sit with themselves and their thoughts that they cannot stand to be with themselves, because they have neglected themselves. 

23:05  
And if you try your whole life chasing addictions, you eventually may come to discover that it is an empty, meaningless, futile attempt to avoid this one precious, beautiful life that we were given.

23:28  
And that inner work is simply turning our attention inward, giving that attention and space to ourselves, allowing ourselves to be to heal, to process, any kind of trauma, any kind of situations we've been through in our lives, and to do those things that are slightly difficult now, but build up our happiness over time, our lasting permanent level of happiness, our baseline, because there's there's two things we do in life. There are the pleasures that are easy and effortless, and they give you a dopamine rush and boost all your happiness chemicals for a brief fleeting moment, like chocolate cake or alcohol. And then once that pleasure wears off, there is pain, withdrawal, hang over.

24:34  
sugar crash, and always followed by more craving more longing and more desires. never satisfied. So when we do that work, it's about loving ourselves enough to invest in ourselves in our future selves, in our lasting happiness. And in that great Adas goal that we're all put here to find, which is a life of purpose, presence, and peace.

25:14  
Peace and love.

25:17  
You've been listening to path to peace with Todd Perelmuter. Being here and putting in this important and noble work is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself and others. If you found this podcast even a little helpful, please make sure to leave a review so it can reach others who may be in need. And remember, the path to peace starts with a single step.