Why Do I Keep Failing Over and Over Again?

If there are no mistakes in life because they are just opportunities to learn, what about when we keep making the same mistakes over and over again? Why can't things just go well for a while? Where is the lesson?!

In today's podcast, I explore how even if we feel we are making no progress, we are actually improving in subtle ways constantly. I share how buried in what seems like failure can be the seeds of success. And I share how to go forth into the unknown – with its many challenges and obstacles – with optimism and courage. 

Success and failure are just subjective opinions. Marching on with your head held high is the only way to approach both.

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Please enjoy other episodes where Todd shares meditation techniques, tips and spiritual lessons from around the world for peaceful and stress-free living. Remember to subscribe to stay up-to-date.

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Transcript

0:02  
Welcome to path to peace with Todd Perelmuter. I'm your host, Todd Perelmuter our world is a projection of our collective consciousness. The more peace we bring into our lives, the more peace we bring into this world. So let the transformation begin. 
Hello, and welcome to path to peace with Todd Perelmuter. I'm

0:26  
your host, Todd Perlemuter. And today, the question is, why do I keep failing over and over again. And there's really three things that play into this repeated cycle that we can find ourselves in.

0:52  
The first has to do with our habitual thinking, that repeats the same thought processes over and over again. 

The second is a misunderstanding of the nature of our mind, and how we live our lives. 

And the third is, from the mistaking knowledge for wisdom. Before I jump into habitual thinking, let's first explore what is failure. 

As we all may have heard from Michael Jordan, his famous quote of that the reason he succeeds is because he's failed more than anyone else. And so what we learn from brilliant, successful people like him, who also was a very avid meditator is that failure and success are both simply stories we tell ourselves. 

They are ways we frame our situations. And we mostly frame situations unconsciously, the ego, reacts often out of fear, and starts to think up a negative, dismal story about our shortcomings. And often we unconsciously and automatically choose to believe it. However, failure can also be framed as a learning opportunity, as a experience that was necessary to get to where we want to go. 

A difficult challenge can be looked at as either an obstacle or an opportunity. And to some people, what may look like success may look like to fit as failure to that person, they may feel that they should have achieved more. Oftentimes, the most successful people in our society feel like constant failures, because they have the highest ambition, and the most impossible goals. 

And even success feels like failure to them. And so it's important to recognize that whether it is success, whether it is failure, these are not real phenomenon. And they only exist in the narrative, within our mind, the framework that our ego, the thinking mind has created. 

Now, of course, we all set goals, we all wish to improve, Grow, evolve as people. And we want to know, how do we get there? How do we set ourselves up for success? How do we accept failure and move on? And how do we enjoy the journey? Along the way, the first thing we have to look at when we feel we failed over and over again, is to understand that even failing at something multiple times can teach us something. 

And it doesn't mean that we failed to learn the lessons. It simply means we have decades of conditioned automatic thinking responses that have been hardwired into our brain. And some people call this our karma. Some people can call this, the cause and effect that have conditioned us to be where we are today. 

But we all have these ingrained ways of thinking, that lead to habitual automatic thought processes. And this is why so many things in our lives seem to repeat themselves over and over again, why we may keep taking that same type of job that we don't like, or get into relationships with people who aren't right. 

And oftentimes, this conditioning happens in our childhood. And sometimes it happens before we even have memory. And so we're not even aware of how our brain has been conditioned in this automatic response. Part of the egos survival mechanism, which is what it is, is it's a food finder, water finder in danger avoider. 

And what that means is, when we've had a difficult childhood, or upbringing, that to the ego, that means safety, because that's where we're supposed to feel safe. And so we create these situations in our lives, and these patterns begin to emerge through no fault of our own. 

And so when the same circumstances present themselves to a person, they will naturally come to the same conclusions time and time again, until that habit, that automatic response is broken, because of mindful, present moment, awareness, which is awareness of the thought process, awareness of the patterns, awareness of the repeated cycles, awareness of our own conditioned mindset and thinking. 

In this way, when we practice present moment, awareness, then in these moments, when we are forced to make a choice, and we would typically make the same choice as we've done in the past, because that's what is comfortable and natural to us. And we can instead, choose a different response, and create a new future with new outcomes, and new possibilities. 

We simply have to become present and aware in these moments, where typically, we go in autopilot. And just one moment of awareness. One moment of being totally present, breaks that cycle of thought. Suddenly, we notice, we're making the same old bad habits, we're making the same old bad decisions, we are allowing the conditions of the past, to dictate our future, because it robs us of the present moment. 

In the present moment, there are infinite possibilities, infinite choices we can make infinite things we can do. But when we habitually react, instead of consciously respond, we are a slave to our past. So we have to make a change. And that can mean starting very small, eating slightly different foods. 

Adding a little morning walk to our day. Any little change that can pay off exponentially over time has the possibility to completely change our future. But when we live in a hyperstimulated environment, from movies and TV to social media to hyperstimulating foods that are often highly processed, our senses become dulled, our awareness becomes diminished. 

And we lose touch with the subtlety and awareness of the thoughts, patterns and behaviors. Have ourselves and others. And all of these hyperstimulating, sense perceptions take us out of the here and now. They take us away from awareness of our thoughts. So the more we quiet our surroundings ourselves, the more we're able to reflect and the more self awareness of our thoughts and choices we become. 

And this creates more conscious thinking, that is thoughtful, mindful, and intentional, instead of unconscious, habitual, and automatic. And in this way, we become free from the past, free from those thoughts that dwell on our mistakes.

11:04  
And we begin to think consciously and more productively by focusing on what we can learn from the past, what we can do now, and how we can create a better tomorrow. The second reason that so many people find themselves making the same mistakes over and over again, or slightly different mistakes is because we are not recognizing the source of these shortcomings within ourselves. 

And that is to say that human beings, especially in the West, focus on symptoms, instead of the source. In medicine, we see this all the time, we see medicines that help correct symptoms, instead of looking at the symptoms, as a sign that something is wrong, that underlying the person's health is something that could be corrected, that could lead to true health, instead of masking the symptoms, lowering the cholesterol numbers. 

And we almost ease people through disease, instead of cure disease, we want to make the suffering bearable instead of eliminate it. And the same is true when we look at habits, addiction and even discipline. Because we look at symptoms, instead of causes. We keep putting band aids on a over inflated balloon, instead of simply removing the air that is pumping in too much pressure. 

We are just touching up the edges, instead of going to the source of all the problems, which is the mind. Every single action we do stems from the minds choice to do it. And so every addiction, every problem that we have in our lives from lack of discipline, or lack of action, stems from the state of mind that we have at the time and yet very few weight loss programs very few drug and alcohol programs. 

Look to how the mind is thinking and how that can be addressed. Instead, we focus solely on the addiction the one action that is causing all the problems. And while that is a very important part of changing our lifestyles, our choices, our habits, and even our personal and financial success. 

It will always come with immense effort, forced effort, and it will always have control and power over us. And we will constantly have to exert force and effort in order to create correct that behavior. Or else we will relapse. But when we look at the mind, and go directly to the source of every problem, and we notice the chaotic nature of the mind, we notice the impulsive impatience of the mind. And we train it to be peaceful and meditative. 

And to realize that the joy inside is greater than any pleasure outside, suddenly, all problems disappear. And for people who feel like they are stuck in a cycle of failure, I cannot recommend enough, a daily meditation practice, either doing a guided meditation, or a breath meditation, or a body scan meditation, or a mantra meditation. 

But if you can create this habit in the morning, if possible, also in the evening, but start small, don't force yourself to do an amount that's unsustainable either. But if you can just start with a few minutes a day, every single day. Then, this one act, this mind retraining, bringing present awareness, to your mind to your thinking,

16:49  
and retraining, all those years of conditioning. All those years of automatic thinking and you establish a discipline practice, to do this, you will create a mind that is much more present,

17:12  
much more peaceful. And the discipline that it takes to do this will translate into discipline at work on your business. With any addiction you're dealing with any other kind of aspect in your life that requires discipline will be greatly improved, simply by this one act. When you can sit alone with your thoughts for five minutes, 10 minutes, 20 minutes, an hour, then you become a person with patience as a superpower. 

You no longer need to consume something to feel better. You can simply look at each moment, presently, and act in each moment, precisely as the moment requires. The more present we become, the greater understanding we have of each moment, and what is required of us. And this brings me to the third topic, which is the difference between knowledge and wisdom. 

Every single science has at its foundation. Intense observation and study of whatever the focuses. Through observation, comes understanding and wisdom. When we are constantly thinking, when we think we have all the answers, we close ourselves off to wisdom and understanding. 

And in modern society, we have a lot of knowledge, a lot of thoughts and opinions, but not enough wisdom and understanding. It's important to learn what we can and to learn from others mistakes. But then we have to trust that knowledge is within us and to then let it go. So that we can be fully present and aware of each moment and what is needed of us the wisdom and Understanding that come from observing, without jumping to conclusions, opens us up to infinite possibilities. And potential choices we can take in each moment. 

When we are fear based, and we are constantly worrying about success, we are closing ourselves off to the opportunities that are right in front of us. And sometimes we just have to get out of our own way to see those possibilities. And lastly, I just want to leave you with this notion that one of the main reasons people feel like they've failed is because they were afraid to dream big. 

But once we understand that success and failure are simply the framing of a story in our mind. We can become fearless with our dreams, because failure is only failure. If we think of it as failure. And when we become fearless with our dreams, we can fail, and it can still look like success. It's what I call failing up. When your dreams are to be a billionaire, and you settle for being a multimillionaire. 

I think we can all agree that that's all right. And that the fear of failure doesn't need to cripple us and stop us from trying to reach heights that other people have achieved. But that we're too afraid to think we can achieve. Fear of failure is the most debilitating fear there is because it guarantees failure. It guarantees we won't even start and try. There is really no such thing as a failure. 

On a bad day, you might catch Michael Jordan, because of failure. But if you were to stop watching, you would think that was the end of his story. But a failure is only a person who's fallen down at the moment. But we can all get back up. Unless we give up and just stay on the floor. There's no such thing as failure. We are all on this journey to the same destination. And there will be ups and downs. But we all get to the end.

23:11  
And as long as you never stay down. You will always keep going. Then there is nothing to fear. And the only failures are people who believe that story about themselves.

23:29  
So dream, big, bigger than you've ever dreamed. Embrace failure. Embrace mistakes. And be grateful for the lessons learned. Keep going and never give up. Let everything be your motivation. Let that voice in your head that says failure. inspire, motivate and encourage you relish in the challenges that made other people quit and keep going. These are just the tests. 

The evidence that you're on the right path that you're doing. The hard, noble thing that's never been done carving your path. staking your claim. And there's nothing you can't do. 

Thanks so much for listening. This has been path to peace with Todd Perelmuter. Peace and love. You've been listening to path to peace with Todd Perelmuter. Being here and putting in this important and noble work is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself and others. If you found this podcast even a little helpful. Please make sure to leave a review so it can reach others Those who may be in need. And remember, the path to peace starts with a single step.