We live in a time of rage-filled news and algorithms that serve up content guaranteed to make your blood boil. And while we know on some level that there is no point in arguing with people who will surely disagree with us and never change, too often we fail to resist the urge and we end up spending way too much of our precious time and energy in the comments section on social media.
So, why do we argue? How do we stop? And what actually is the best way to influence others into actually being receptive to differing opinions? In this episode, I explore all these questions as I dive deep into how we can speak our truth while preserving our peace of mind.
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Welcome to path to peace with Todd Perelmuter, where he shares the lessons he's learned, spending nine years living with gurus, monks, and shamans, across 35 countries and five continents, join in the journey as he brings some healing wisdom for living your best life.
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The path to peace, love, health, and happiness starts here.
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The way that we resist the urge to argue with people is not by resisting at all. Because that will only create forced effort in not arguing and forced effort is not sustainable.
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What we need to do is recognize two things. Number one, that our ego is what gets fulfilled and satisfied when we argue with people, because it only understands itself in contrast to others. So you take a stand, and you understand that stand better in relation to someone else who has the opposite opinion.
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The ego only exists in comparison. It feeds off of it. It knows who it is, by knowing who it's against. Because the ego lives in that dualistic world, where it sees itself as separate and other.
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Our true nature of love and compassion needs no opposite.
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And this is a threat to our ego. And so the second thing we need to do and understand is that when we develop our compassion, then more important than feeding our ego is not harming someone else.
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And when we develop that compassion, again, we're not resisting our urge to argue, we are simply tapping into the compassion that is already there. And we're shedding ourselves of that egoic tendency, simply by nurturing compassion.
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When we are compassionate, we are always mindful of other people's feelings. This doesn't mean being a doormat.
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It actually means we can argue without arguing. Because when it is infused with love, it is a sharing of ideas. There is an openness and always an awareness of the other person's feelings.
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When we are ego driven we don't think of the other person's feelings. We don't feel them we don't see them because we are in our head. And we feel that the egos position that it is staked down on is a matter of life and death survival for this ego. And we completely forget about the other person's feelings because we're in survival mode.
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And so whenever you feel that urge to argue, always remember this one very simple and very true fact.
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Every single opinion on a topic is valid. See the person that has it and no opinion is more valid than anyone elses. Because we are all in inhabiting our truth, to the best of our ability, in every moment.
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And so when someone says something that just you fundamentally disagree with, try to remember in that moment that not whether what they're saying is true or not. But instead try to understand why it's true for them.
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In doing this, there is no anger, there is no resentment, there is no threat to your position.
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And the reason that we must do this is because all the research has proven that when we argue, people's walls go up. And no matter how many facts, how much logic, you throw it a person, none of it will be received, they will dig their heels into their own position deeper, and often, so will you.
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And the only way to inspire change whenever it may be possible is through love, compassion, and openness to the other person, when they feel that love and openness and non judgmental, they will put their walls down and actually be able to have a conversation.
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There is only one person that has anything to gain from arguing. And that is your ego.
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The more we meditate on this, and the more we recognize that no matter what we're arguing about, even if it's for the world to be a more compassionate place.
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That that arguing is coming from a selfish drive within the ego and not from a place that will actually help the world be more compassionate. And as we meditate on this and as that understanding seeps into our subconscious the more we realize the foolishness in arguing and the benefits of patient open, kind discussion.
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Peace and Love